


A place to call home

by A_floating_speck



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:53:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7000351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_floating_speck/pseuds/A_floating_speck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So given the disaster of season 3, I decided to rewrite it.</p><p>This story picks up right after episode 4 of Season 3 of The 100 and follows an alternate universe where the Hakeldama killing never happened. Lexa and Clarke might have finally brought peace to the 13 nations, but will peace ever be a reality on earth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home

\- I -

She looked outside the balcony while she finished the juice she had been sipping for a while. She liked that juice but couldn't exactly identify the taste. It was like nothing Clarke had tasted before. Breakfast was her favorite part of being in Polis. Everyday something new, something to look forward instead of the old same nuts and protein bars back at Arkadia. She sighed at the memory of it.

There were a couple of knocks at the door but Clarke knew who it was before she even heard the voice coming from behind. It was another morning tradition in Polis, Lexa walking to her room and knocking on the door.

"Clarke, we will be leaving in ten minutes". The commander said but didn't come inside even though the door had been unlocked since the night she bowed and pledged fealty.

"I'll be there in a minute!" She replied and there was a silence for a moment before she heard the commander's boots walking away in the hallway. Clarke put on her combat boots and gave a quick last look to the mountains and the room before walking outside.

When she finally reached the patio she realized everyone was already there. There were at least 10 horses awaiting for their riders, a couple of dozens of grounders standing by waiting for instructions and Lexa was talking with one of her captains not far away. She saw Lexa's big black horse already saddled and another one next to it. Right in front of the group was a wooden cart carrying the body of the Ice Queen, covered with flowers. Clarke felt weird looking at it and the care with which the grounders had placed a veil over it. She felt a pinch in her stomach while she realized that even though all she wanted to do was kill Nia, the grounders, at Lexa's command most likely, had presented their respect to the fallen queen, regardless of the way she had died. She looked at Lexa once more and found her walking towards her, one hand over her sword.

"Ready to go?" She said when she reached her. "Yes. Let's go" Clarke replied and followed Lexa to the horses. To her surprise, the commander extended a hand to help her get on the other black horse. Clarke had assumed Lexa would ride alongside her captain but realized it was her the one who would have the honor to ride next to the commander of the now thirteen clans. She took Lexa's hand and jumped over the horse with such ease as if she was a skilled rider. She settled upon the horse while Lexa got on hers and at one command the group was marching outside of Polis.

The group marched with an easy pace, there was no rush to get to Arkadia and Clarke was pretty happy about that. She loved horse riding and enjoyed every second of it. The monotony of the horse's trot soothed her and she could admire the beauty of earth from a privileged point of view. Lexa had been talking politics, as per usual, updating her on the current situation with the other clans after Roan had taken the throne at Azgeda, but Clarke wasn't really listening. Instead she took a moment, for the first time in months, to admire the surroundings. It seemed pretty unbelievable that earth could be such a vibrant place. Back on the ark, when she painted her ideas of what she might find they were in anyway close to the actual reality. The blue skies, the vivid greens, the wild smells and constant sounds of the forest. She felt the sun over her face and a warm feeling went down her spine as a cool wind played with her hair and tempted to take away the cloth she had been wearing over her head. She caught it with a quick movement and adjusted it once more. She could feel Lexa's gaze following her movements but she didn't look at her as the ride continued.

"Thinking about home?" Lexa finally broke the silence and Clarke's brow furrowed at the sound of the last word. _Home._ It seemed like decades ago when she felt she had a place she could call home. Ever since they had landed on earth Clarke had felt like an alien in a strange planet. They had made the dropship their first camp but all the time she had spent there she felt it was just a temporary situation and that, eventually, they would establish themselves somewhere else. When the Ark landed and Camp Jaha was created she had that same feeling of temporary measures to a current necessity. Eventually, she had thought, they would find a place to settle. They would find _home_.

But they never really did.

"Thinking about whether Arkadia is home" She finally said. "When I left it had a different name" Clarke made a pause and then added with a bitter tone "I was different".

"You left a hero to your people" Lexa quickly reassured her "And you return one". Clarke appreciated the gesture but couldn't really grasp on the commander's words. She was no hero, she had never intended to be one. She wanted to tell Lexa she left a murderer and returned a traitor, at least for some of the people back in Arkadia. She wanted to tell her she left as a coward and returned still without a clue of what was going to happen. She left looking for answers and returned without something clear to say to them. She wanted to tell Lexa she was just a girl looking for home coming back to none.

"The mountain slayer returns with the body of the ice queen" Lexa continued and Clarke felt a sinking feeling when the title was uttered. It was never going to go away. She would always be Wanheda, the commander of death. The mountain assassin.

"You bring them justice" Lexa stated while she looked at her with a proud smile and suddenly Clarke felt that the title might not be entirely gruesome. That it might in fact be a sign of something else she couldn't yet describe but was there in Lexa's proud smile and reverent tone.

"You bring them justice" Clarke clarified to Lexa. After all, it had been Lexa the one who had put her own life at risk to ensure the Skaikru had a place in the coalition. It had been Lexa the one who had saved her life by assuring she didn't fall on the hands of the Ice Queen, it had been Lexa the one who had the idea of turning the Skaikru into a new clan so that they weren't the enemy, it had been Lexa the one who had pledge fealty to her and her people and had vowed to protect them no matter what. It had been Lexa the one who had had to prove her leadership because of Wanheda. It had been Lexa who had succeeded in killing Nia to prevent another war. It had been Lexa all along.

But when she looked at the commander, she was still smiling with the same sweet and gentle smile she had dedicated to her the night before. A smile, Clarke suddenly realized, Lexa had for no one else but her.

"We bring them peace". Lexa finally said with a confident and satisfied tone and Clarke's heart skipped a beat. _We bring them peace._ The words lingered in the air as Clarke felt overwhelmed by the gratitude she suddenly felt towards the other girl. How did it take so long for her to realize that ever since they had met, it had always been a "we" for Lexa and her?

It was at that moment that Clarke felt for the first time in three months that maybe it was time to heal. They had done what they both believed was right for their people but now thanks to them there was no longer an "us" or "them". Now they were an "Ours". _Our people._ She finally let a smile slide to her lips. They had done it. Heda and Wanheda. Together.

Clarke felt overjoyed as she looked back to Lexa who returned the smile with a sense of knowledge and they gave each other a simple nod because there were no more words needed.

She looked to the front when the horses started to slow down and as she looked upon the grounders army standing guard outside of Arkadia, Clarke knew that for the first time since they got there, there was hope.

"Here we are" Lexa said looking over her army to the big sign at the entrance of Arkadia. "Ready?" She asked Clarke as she gave her one last look.

"Let's take them home" Clarke finally said and for the first time in 18 years, she longed for the future.

 


	2. Jus drein Jus daun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is back to Arkadia to bring the long awaited peace, but she will find that things have changed a lot since she left.  
> Will the Sky people and the Grounders find common ground?

* * *

 

\- II -

The group marched inside Arkadia once the big gates opened. Clarke almost didn't recognized the place because so much had changed in just three months. There were a lot of new faces she didn't recognize and she assumed they were Pike's people that had been rescued from the farming station. Clarke quickly looked around and wasn't surprised to find hard looks in the eyes of many of the faces that surrounded them.

Clarke's back straightened as she saw one of the guards tightening his grip over his riffle and a big murmur arise as the group kept moving inside. She didn't like it. Something was wrong but she couldn't tell what was going on. She had to warn Lexa but when she looked at her she realized Lexa had noticed it too because her jaw had sharpened even though her face was stoic.

Finally, a couple of familiar faces came out from the bunker and Clarke felt relief when she caught her mother's eyes.

"Indra!" Marcus Kane called out while he took big steps towards the grounder's captain with a big smile on his face. They locked arms in the grounder's way as Clarke and Lexa descended from their horses.

"Commander, it is such an honor to have you here" Marcus said with a reverent tone. "Thank you for having us, Marcus of the Skaikru" Lexa replied and Clarke walked slowly behind her. Marcus dedicated a smile to her before her mother reached and took her in her arms for a long embrace. Clarke hugged her mother and at that moment realized how much she had missed her.

"I'm glad you're home" Her mother told her when she finally broke the embrace and Clarke smiled at her but didn't reply. There was a moment of silence between them as Abby and Marcus focused their attention on the body in the wooden cart. The people from Arkadia also looked with curiosity.

"Come, there is so much to discuss" Marcus finally said as he gestured to the bunker and Lexa and Indra followed him inside while Abby led Clarke behind the group, one arm over her shoulders. Kane gave Lexa a tour around the place with an overly enthusiastic tone while Clarke was busy looking around every room they passed by.

"Where's Bellamy?" She finally asked her mother "Octavia?" Abby gave her a sad smile before answering. "Bellamy is on guard. He has insisted in doing long rounds every day at the Ice Nation border". Clarke noticed the sad tone on her mother's voice "He's dealing with it" Abby added when she noticed the concerned look on Clarke's face. "Things haven't been easy for everybody here". Clarke looked at her mother and noticed the sadness in her eyes but before she could ask anything else the group arrived to the meeting room.

"The Ice Queen has fallen" Lexa said as soon as they all surrounded a table in the middle of the room. "Nia has paid for the crimes of the Ice Nation with her life and justice has been brought to the Skaikru". Abby gave Clarke a questioning look. _"Jus drein jus daun"_ Lexa finished.

"Blood must have blood" Abby whispered and gave Clarke another look which she deflected.

"Thanks to Wanheda the danger of the mountain men has been eradicated and the Sky People are now part of the coalition" Lexa explained "But as it is costume with the clans, Skaikru must have resolution with the Ice Nation before you can be fully integrated" Lexa looked at Clarke for a second "This is a new start" she said looking at her eyes and Clarke gave her a little smile.

"Have the other clans agreed with Skaikru being the thirteen clan?" Marcus asked "After the attack of the Ice Nation?"

"Our Commander has proven to be worthy of her place as our leader" Indra answered "Every clan must now obey to our Commander's orders or they will be considered traitors to the coalition"

"Does that include us?" Abby quickly intervened "Are we under Lexa's command now?"

Indra gave Abby a harsh look and attempted to reply but Lexa made a gesture with her head and she desisted. "I believe you are the chosen leader of the Sky People, Abby of the Skaikru" Lexa said with a quiet tone "And Clarke is your ambassador in Polis. You will have representation in the council and every decision will be taken into your consideration, as it is with any other clan".

"I'm sure we can all find common ground" Marcus said attempting to ease the mood although Abby still looked at Lexa with skeptical eyes "And I appreciate that the council has given Skaikru a representation. I am sure Clarke will be a remarkable ambassador for our people" Abby finally relaxed and let out a small sigh. "She already is" Lexa concluded. Clarke felt her face blushing and hoped it didn't show under the fluorescent lights.

The meeting continued for a couple of hours during which the details of the ice queen's crematory ceremony were discussed and decided. Even though the Sky People didn't necessarily understand grounder traditions, Clarke knew part of the reason of why Lexa was so invested in the ceremony had to do with her own need to come at peace with Nia and her past crimes. After all, it had been the ice queen the one who had taken the life of Costia and probably other important people in Lexa's life. They all needed resolution if they were ever going to be in the way of moving on and starting over.

After the majority of the details were decided, skaikrus and grounders all shared a meal in the common hall which provided Clarke with much needed reencounters with other familiar faces. Octavia and Lincoln were the first ones to greet her and they were invited to sit at the table with Indra and other grounder captains which apparently was something Octavia was very excited about. Monty also came to say hi and told Clarke it was good to see her again but Clarke felt a heartache when she couldn't find Jasper in the crowd. As if reading her thoughts, Monty explained to her that Jasper had been on patrol at that time and Clarke thanked him even though she knew he was lying. Finally Raven came to her encounter and Clarke noticed the heavy limp on her left leg. It was clear that the girl was in pain but when she finally got close to her she disguised it with a huge smile.

Both girls embraced in a candid hug that Clarke appreciated.

"Hey, stranger" Raven said with her particular good mood. "It is so good to see you" Clarke replied with an honest smile and both girls looked at each other for a while. "After Mount Weather I didn't know…" Clarke continued but was unable to finish her sentence. Raven made a small gesture with her eyes but the smile on her face never disappeared. "Yeah… Well… It will take more than that to take me out" Raven said jokingly but Clarke didn't laugh. Instead, she dedicated a concerned look to the other girl and Raven's smile finally fade away.

"I am sorry, Raven" Clarke said with a sad tone. "It is my fault, everything was my fault"

"Hey…" The mechanic quickly interrupted her and put a hand over her shoulder while Clarke fought tears from streaming down her eyes. "It was the Ice Nation the ones who activated the self-destruction mechanism." Clarke kept her gaze down "And it was a mistake to settle inside of the mountain. We all knew that but Pike insisted… Either way, it is over now". Clarke finally looked up and was greeted with a small smile. "You brought us peace and that's what matters" She felt the warmth of Raven's hand still over her shoulder and she dedicated a small thankful smile to the girl.

"I didn't do anything" Clarke finally said and then, looking over her shoulder she fixed her gaze over Lexa who was immerse in a conversation with Kane. Raven followed Clarke's eyes to the Commander. "She did" Clarke finally said and the other girl looked at them with suspicious eyes. Raven laughed and Clarke gave her a confused look but the mechanic simply walked away.

It was decided that the ceremony would be held the next morning so, after some last protocols, the grounders retrieved to their camp outside of Arkadia. Octavia marched with them and even though Lexa didn't ask her to come, for a second Clarke doubted whether she should go with them as well. She quickly dismissed the idea and instead joined her mother in her sleeping bunker. She laid in her bed in silence without answering Abby's questions because she simply didn't want to explain to her mother everything that had happened in Polis. After a while Abby let it go and said goodnight.

The lights went off but Clarke wasn't feeling like sleeping. Too much had happen in a short period of time and the emotions finally struck her. She realized how alienated she felt in Arkadia and it had nothing to do with the fact that some people there didn't trust her and the grounders. Everything felt odd this time and suddenly she had an urge to go back to Polis, to her room in the giant tower, to her morning rituals and exotic juices. It seemed that there was nothing there in Arkadia to hold on to. Her friends were there but somehow they all felt distant and she wasn't sure any of them could ever understand everything that had happened. Her mother was also there but even though for the first time in their life they seemed to be closer than ever, Clarke knew Abby would never fully understand what being Wanheda really meant. She didn't know what was going to happen, but suddenly Clarke knew it wouldn't happen there in Arkadia.

Then, she heard the truck.

Clarke's body rose as an impulse and she sat on her bed in silence trying to listen to what was going on outside. She knew that was the last convoy coming back from the border so that meant he had to be back. She slipped outside of the room and started walking to the cargo room but then she found Bellamy coming towards her in the hallway. Both of them stopped with surprised looks on their eyes and stood in silence for a while. Then Bellamy started walking again and went through her side without saying a word or looking at her again.

"Bellamy" Clarke called him as he walked away and the boy stopped but didn't reply. "Bellamy, please…" She said and he clenched his fists in return. He walked away and didn't stop even though she called his name again a couple of times more. Clarke bit her lip while trying to contain her tears and then she let out a big sob while she watched him disappear around the corner.

The next day started early when the grounders arrived at Arkadia right before the sun was up. A group of them started building the pyre while another one got the ice queen's body ready. Lexa arrived after breakfast and supervised the work. Clarke joined her and listened while the Commander carefully explained to her the meaning of each part of the ceremony. It had been decided that both Lexa and herself would conduct the event so Clarke joined Nyko later on to learn more about the protocol.

Once everything was ready, grounders and sky people got together around the Pyre. Marcus and Abby joined Lexa and Clarke and the ceremony began. Kane explained to the sky people the meaning of what was about to happen and thanked the commander and Clarke for bringing justice to both clans. There were murmurs coming from the crowd but Marcus didn't pay attention. Clarke looked around and identified Raven and Monty among the sky people, then on one side of the crowd she saw Bellamy staring at her with a hard look in his eyes.

" _Kru kom Arcadia, kom faya osir ware kleandau des dai"_ Lexa said in grounder's language.

"People from Arcadia. With fire we clean the pain from the past" Clarke translated.

" _Jus drein jus daun"_

"Blood must have blood"

Clarke saw Bellamy walking away visibly upset the moment she uttered the last phrase and she felt inclined to follow him but Lexa handed her the torch. They looked at each other for a second before lightening the pyre together. The group watched as the flames started to grow and consumed the body of the Ice Queen. _"Yu gonplei ste odon"_ She heard Lexa whispering and when she looked at her she noticed her eyes were closed and a single tear was running through her face. Clarke put a hand over her arm and Lexa looked at her with surprise. Then they shared another knowing look.

"Queen Nia has answered for her and her people's crimes. Justice has been brought to our nations" Lexa finally addressed the audience. "Let this be the beginning of a new era and may the fire forge a new alliance so that the thirteen clans stand together and prosper".

The murmurs started over and skaikrus looked at the grounders with both surprise and disbelief. Then, a small group of people in the corner where Bellamy had been standing moments before got agitated.

"We are not grounders and never will be!" One young man said and the group seconded him "We reject your coalition!" he shouted and then spit on the floor. The grounders began to get agitated as well and suddenly both sides were interchanging strong remarks and insults.

" _Em pleni!"_ Lexa commanded and the grounders returned to their places. Clarke look at them with concern.

"Guards!" Abby finally said "Take them away!" And at the order the skaikru guards escorted the protestors away from the crowd but their remarks could still be heard from the distance.

"We better go inside" Marcus suggested and he lead the group back to the bunker while the crowd slowly dispersed. Clarke stood outside for a moment assessing what had happened and she was struck by the notion of peace being harder to achieve than what she had expected. She felt she wanted to scream but when she looked at the group heading back inside she caught Lexa looking at her and waiting. Clarke walked towards her and suddenly she felt secure again in her presence.

"They will come around" Lexa said as soon as she reached her and Clarke sighed.

As they walked back inside, Clarke took one last look at the queen's burning body and wondered if they had made the right decision. She wondered if Lexa's faith in her was well placed and realized that peace was still a long way ahead.

 


	3. Let them try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy finally reunite but things won't go as planned for the new elected Ambassador.  
> Is this the end of the story for both of them? Will they be able to solve their differences?  
> (This is a review of the actual scene, but offering more insight on both sides)

* * *

 

 

\- III -

"…not sure this is a good idea. Things are moving too fast and I'm not sure everybody is ready for this." Clarke heard her mother's voice in the distance although they were together in the same room. Abby, Kane and she had been discussing about what had happened at the ceremony moments before but Clarke wasn't paying attention. She got carried away by the memories of everything that had happened in Mount Weather and she felt pain in her chest when she remembered Lexa turning her back on her.

"But what other options do we have?" Kane replied "This is a real chance to have peace. We can't go to war again, they would kill us all!" Marcus pleaded. Abby didn't look convinced. "But now we must answer to Lexa's commands? She left us in the mountain!" Abby said and another sharp pain went through Clarke's chest. "We have Wanheda now. Lexa will answer to her" Marcus said and Clarke looked at him with surprise. Up until that moment it hadn't occurred to her that she had any power over Lexa and her decisions but Kane had a point, after all the Commander had bowed before her. The commander had turned Skaikru into the thirteen clan to protect them. Everything Lexa had done was in favor of Clarke and her people even when it meant going against her own. Clarke felt confused. Why was Lexa doing all of this? Was it really for her? Or were there other reasons for the Commander to want them in the coalition? Could she really trust her after everything that had happened? Sure, Lexa had vowed to never betray her again and the Sky People but Mount Weather was still very recent. And yet…

"Clarke?" She heard her mother's voice and she realized they were waiting for an answer to a part of the conversation she had clearly missed. "I'm sorry… What were you saying?" She replied trying to look interested "Lexa" Marcus said "Can we trust her?" Clarke though about it for a moment not sure of her own answer. Was she 100 percent sure that Lexa would keep her word? No… But Kane was right, what other options did they have? And yet, if there was just the slightest chance that Lexa in fact felt… That she…

"She…" Clarke stopped unsure on whether she should share with them what had happened in the throne room. "She is right" She finally said "The only way for all of us to thrive is if we join. All thirteen clans" Abby looked at her with disbelief and then let out a long sigh. "I can keep Lexa under control if things…" Clarke couldn't finish her line but after a small hesitation she composed herself "Wanheda will keep the Commander in line, if it's necessary" She said with determination. Marcus looked pleased but her mother looked at her with a worried look in her eyes. "I'll be fine" Clarke reassured here and Abby finally nodded.

There was a knock on the door and when Clarke opened it she saw Octavia. They looked at each other without saying anything but it was clear something was going on between them. Clarke excused herself and followed the other girl to a small room. They stopped at the door and Clarke hesitated before going in.

"I'll be waiting with the group outside. We will be leaving shortly" Octavia said and Clarke nodded before entering the room. Inside she found herself face to face with Bellamy.

The boy looked at her from the other side of the room and they stood in silence for a minute. He didn't look pleased to see her but Bellamy didn't try to leave. Clarke felt sad to see him so hurt and angry and she felt the urge to run and hug him. She didn't move.

"Bellamy…" She said but stopped unsure on what to say.

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" He said with a sharp voice. Clarke looked hurt by his tone.

"We need to talk" She said trying to stay calm but she felt a lump in her throat when she saw his brow frown.

"So, you've decided that. The mighty Wanheda." He said mocking her and suddenly she felt offended by it. "Who chose the grounders over her own people, who turned her back on us when we came to rescue you" Bellamy continued "Now you want to talk?" He said with irony.

Clarke looked at him for a moment feeling nothing more than sadness. This was not the guy she once looked up to. This was not the ally she once trusted with the lives of her friends. She looked at Bellamy and she couldn't found a trace of the hero that had rescued all the survivors at the mountain. Of the friend she had found in battle. Of the partner she once believed in. She looked at him and found pain and anger where once stood bravery and hope. She felt sorry. She didn't feel sorry for him but for herself because she knew at that moment she was a big part of the reason he was hurting and this time she didn't know how to fix it. This time she feared maybe there was no fixing.

"I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price" She finally said "Justice has been served for the attack in Mount Weather" Bellamy let out an ironic growl. "I came here to tell you, it's over" Clarke said with determination but he just smirked sarcastically.

"There it is again…" He said with mockery in his voice "Why do you get to decide it's over?" He sounded bitter and Clarke looked surprised by the challenge she found in his tone. She felt shocked by this because up until that moment, even with all the hesitation and disbelief, no one had disagreed with her on the way to handle the situation with the grounders. And she didn't like it. She didn't like that Bellamy was unable to see the great lengths they had gone through for peace to be a reality. He didn't appreciate everything that had happened so that the Sky People had a chance. Why couldn't he acknowledge it? Why was he unable to see he wasn't the only one who had made sacrifices? That he wasn't the only one who had lost someone? That he wasn't the only one who had been torn in the mountain? Clarke felt rage starting to grow inside her.

"We did our part" She said with a sharp tone and Bellamy looked surprised by it.

"We?" He said confused.

"Lexa and I…" Clarke replied but stop abruptly surprised by her own words. _Lexa and I._ It hit her like a thunderbolt. She was overcome by emotions as she saw the anger and pain growing in his eyes. _Lexa and I._ The words kept repeating in her mind and she felt breathless for a moment. Something had lit inside her mind and soul and she couldn't stop noticing it anymore. It had always been there. It was there the moment Roan took the bag off her head and she saw Lexa at her throne. It was there while she held a knife to her throat. It was there when she bowed before the Commander. It was there when she looked at Lexa kneeled at her feet. It was there when she changed Lexa's bandages while they spoke candidly for the first time in months. It was there when she rode next to her back to Arkadia. It was always there. In every smile. Every word. Every look. Every breath. She always knew but kept forcing herself to look away… Except this time, this time she just couldn't avoid it anymore.

Bellamy looked more hurt than ever. He crossed his arms over his chest and his jaw sharpened. He was pissed.

"The ice queen is dead" Clarke said with determination "The problem was solved" She straightened her back and she frowned. "And you are determined to ruin everything because you are so stubborn to accept this is over."

Bellamy let out an ironic laugh and took a couple of steps towards her. "Why are you here, Clarke?" He said sounding tired.

"Arkadia needs to make things right" Clarke replied with a cold voice "Or Lexa and the twelve clans will wipe us out". Bellamy looked at her with defiance but she didn't feel intimidated anymore.

"Let them try" He said with determination. Clarke looked surprised by his response.

"Please tell me that going to war is not what you want" Her voice softened and sounded almost like a plea.

Bellamy was surprised by the change in her tone and he softened his body as they looked at each other. For a second Clarke could see a glimpse of the guy she used to know. The guy who looked at her with care and respect. For a moment they were connected through their pain, their knowledge, their memories and their loss. For a moment they were no longer the soldier and the commander of death, they were just Clarke and Bellamy, a couple of delinquents trying to find a second chance.

"We've been at war since we landed" He said with a sad voice and tears filled his eyes but he regained composure. "At least Pike understands that".

"Pike?" Clarke said surprised "Pike is the problem!" Clarke looked at him with disbelief "This isn't who you are!"

"You are wrong" He said with a cold voice "This is who I've always been" Clarke looked uneased by this remark as she could not believe what she was listening. "And I let you and Octavia and Kane convince me that we could trust this people when they have shown over and over who they are" He continued raising his voice as Clarke felt the ground sink below her feet and her head started to spin "And I won't let anyone else die for that mistake!"

Clarke felt desperate and she saw the glimpse of the old Bellamy fade away quickly until she could no longer recognize him anymore. She felt like crying.

"Bellamy…" She pleaded "I need you."

The words seemed to affect him because he stopped his rant and blinked twice.

"You need me?" He said with surprise as he lowered his defenses.

"Yes" Clarke cried "I need you." Tears rushed to her eyes and she fought hard not to let them out. "I need the guy who wouldn't let me pull that lever at Mount Weather by myself." She felt this was her last chance. The last chance she would get to reach for the boy she cared about. The last chance she would get to make things right. She needed him so desperately and yet he was already gone. She knew it when she looked at his eyes and couldn't see the light in them anymore.

"You left me…" He said sounding hurt "You left everyone."

The sadness in his voice was like a punch in the gut for Clarke. She realized how much in pain he was and she could understand it because she had felt the same way about Lexa only days ago. She knew the feeling so well. The feeling of betray and anger. The pain. She didn't mean for him to turn into this.

"But let me explain…" She begged

"Enough!" He shouted with an angry voice "You are not in charge here." The rage coming through his words cut Clarke like a thousand knives "And that's a good thing because people die when you're in charge." Bellamy spilled the words and immediately felt remorse but the damage was done. "You were willing to let a bomb drop on my sister, then you made a deal with Lexa who left us in Mount Weather to die and forced us to kill everyone who helped us. People who trusted me!"

Clarke was speechless and finally the tears were impossible to restrain as she looked at him feeling destroyed. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream. She felt small and insignificant and her body was numb. A death by a thousand knives was the grounder's punishment for the crimes she had committed and she felt every single one of his words ripping her soul apart like daggers.

"I…" She tried to say something but she had lost control over her body. She sat down as she felt she was about to throw up at any second and a heaviness pressed her chest so she couldn't breathe anymore. Bellamy couldn't look at her. He turned his back on her trying to regain composure as he suddenly realized what he had done. He looked defeated as well and tears streamed down his eyes which he quickly cleaned.

"I'm sorry" Clarke finally let out in a small whisper and Bellamy looked at her with surprise. She looked so small and fragile as she tried to gain strength to continue "I am sorry for leaving." She said but her voice broke. "But I knew I could because they had you."

Bellamy looked ashamed. He realized how much he had hurt Clarke by pouring all his anger and frustration on her and he regretted it. She finally gave in to the crying and she cried hard in her hands while Bellamy looked at her with remorse. He walked towards her and lowered himself to look her in the face, taking her hand in his. Clarke looked at him hopeful to find forgiveness. They looked at each other for a moment and she let out a small smile in a last attempt to connect with him.

"I am sorry too" He said but his voice was bitter once more and Clarke looked at him with confusion "But I am not a grounder nor I'll ever be" He said while he stood up and Clarke knew she had lost him. "The grounders need to be stopped and I will make sure of it even if it means going against you and Octavia." He walked to the door and took one last glimpse of Clarke before walking away.

Clarke felt weak and defeated and she was unable to see him leave, perhaps for the last time.

 


	4. Wanheda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is feeling more confused and alone than ever. Her recent visit to Arkadia left her feeling isolated and she starts to feel she's a girl with no home. But will she find a place to belong in the most unexpected place?

* * *

 

\- IV -

The voices were loud and filled the big room mixed with the sound of plates and cups being lifted and put back on the wooden table with sloppy hands. Wine had been running freely for the last couple of hours so everybody was feeling quite content and easygoing by that point and laughter had come in a natural way. Clarke allowed herself to relax after the first half hour of the dinner and after a while she even adventured to participate in the conversation.

The group had arrived back to Polis after the sun had already set and although everybody was feeling quite tired, Clarke was surprised to found out a big dinner had been served in the main hall of the tower. She had been avoiding meals in public ever since she got to Polis. She refused to see Lexa for the first week and she even had refused to eat even though she always encountered fresh food in her room. After a couple of days, when she was stubborn enough to keep her promise, she finally decided that not eating was probably not the best course of action. After becoming the Skaikru ambassador, Lexa had suggested having dinner together a couple of nights but Clarke had declined politely. The only time she had participated in a social gathering at the tower was the night before marching to Arkadia, when all the ambassadors were invited to a formal dinner in honor of the Commander of the thirteen clans. Clarke was reluctant to leave the safety of her room but decided that Wanheda's presence was important for the coalition and agreed to spend a couple of minutes at the dinner before slipping away.

But this time was different. All the grounder captains had stayed and some special guest had been invited as well, like Octavia and Lincoln. Clarke was seated next to Lexa who was occupying one end of the table. Titus, Lexa's advisor, was sitting right in front of Clarke and spent most of the evening looking at her with suspicious eyes. Dinner was vast and the girl was surprised to find out she had been starving. For the first part of the meal no one had really spoken other than quiet conversations they shared with people close to them. Lexa and Titus had been discussing politics and the bald man updated the Commander with news of the other clans. Then a couple of toasts were proposed. They toasted for the new found peace and quickly toasts in honor of the Commander were shouted with growing excitement. It was clear Lexa's army felt highly about her and the girl seemed thankful and a bit embarrassed for the attention. Lexa finally stood up and raised her cup for Wanheda, and her valuable contribution into bringing peace to the thirteen nations. Titus was as surprised as Clarke to hear the Commander praising the blonde girl but Lexa looked at her with pride. Octavia was quick to second the praise and soon everybody followed. Lexa smiled pleased and the dinner continued with a more relaxed tone once the wine kicked in.

Clarke wasn't sure when or who had started it but soon all the captains were telling stories of war. They seemed to never end. Everybody started to share their fondest memories of heroic battles and outstanding bravery, like the time Indra had defeated a group of 5 Azgeda warriors all by herself and with her hands tied, not because she couldn't untie them but because it was more challenging and fun that way, she clarified. And then the stories about Lexa started to come. They were endless and everybody seemed to have their favorite one. Clarke listened to every single one feeling amazed. There was the one of Lexa being an expert on horse riding with 5 years old and being unstoppable once she got herself on a horse. There was the story of Lexa winning the clan's annual tournament at age 14 which included not only defeating some of the most talented warriors but also successfully completing 12 different and demanding tasks. There was the story of Lexa fighting alongside the previous Commander during the war of the 5 clans (after which she became Commander), there was also the story of Lexa bringing together the 12 clans to form a coalition in order to bring long lasting peace to the nations.

Clarke felt her appreciation and respect for Lexa growing with every story that was told and she felt humble to be sitting next to her. Ever since they knew each other, Clarke had learn to respect Lexa for her leadership and fierce will to command her army but she hadn't truly appreciated the extent of Lexa's command up until that moment. She looked at the Commander for a second and was struck by how young she was. Lexa was probably just a couple of years older than her and yet she was carrying the weight of thirteen nations over her shoulders. Lexa laughed at other memories of battle and after a while she even indulged the audience with an anecdote of her own. Clarke felt amazed to be able to witness Lexa in her element. It became clear that this was truly the Commander of the thirteen nations. It was not the Lexa in battle. It was not the Lexa making decisions with the council. It was this Lexa, sharing memories with her people, letting off her guard and laughing. Clarke allowed herself to close her eyes for one second to concentrate in Lexa's laugh. It was pure and honest and it felt like a fresh breeze that made her feel safe and protected.

Suddenly Clarke's enchantment was broken when she realized the voices and laughter were over and a sudden silence hoovered over the table. When she opened her eyes she encountered all the eyes looking at her and she felt confused and worried until she noticed Lexa's gaze and a half smile barely showing in her lips. She realized, all of a sudden, that everyone was expecting for her to join in the marathon of epic tales. She felt embarrassed. What could she possibly tell to all those captains and warriors that could match, even by a fraction, anything that had been already said? She felt out of place as she realized how foreign she was in that table. Even Octavia seemed more accustomed to the grounders, already blending in with such ease. Clarke squirmed in her seat feeling uncomfortable and looked at Lexa hoping that the other girl would realize of her predicament. Lexa did and as she was about to utter something to the crowd a growing murmur started to rise along the table.

_Wanheda. Wanheda. Wanheda._

The chant grew quickly and soon all the grounder captains were saying the title and banging hands and cups on the table encouraging the Skaikru to share her story. Lexa looked surprised and Titus kept looking at the crowd with incredulous eyes. The blonde girl knew she wouldn't get away with it this time, so she let out a long sigh and nodded at Lexa who raised one hand and the chant stopped immediately.

Clarke took one deep breath.

"I thought I was going to die. We were going to die." She started with a soft voice that broke at the end and she stopped for a second and closed her eyes. "But they were counting on me. All of them. They were counting on me." She continued with a stronger and more confident tone. "So I did what I had to do." she said with strong resolution.

"Pulling the lever was the hardest decision I have ever taken in my life." Lexa looked at her with concern as she realized what was about to come "I had friends inside the Mountain. People who had helped us to survive when they didn't have to. They risked their lives and families to keep us safe. They rose against their leaders to stand for what they believed in. They trusted us. They trusted me." Clarke stopped to suppress the tears that rushed into her eyes. "But taking harsh choices is what being in charge is about, isn't? Isn't that what we do? We keep our people safe." She said finally opening her eyes and looking at all the captains who couldn't keep their eyes off her "We survive, even when it means death. We take lives if that means giving life to others. We fight when it means bringing peace." Finally she looked at Lexa "We bear the fault so others don't have to".

"I'm not proud for what I did nor I'll ever be ok with the lives I ended" She continued "They were innocent lives. Victims of a war they never asked for…" Clarke let out another sigh "But we are survivors and we wear the scars of our battles. We carry our marks, we count our deaths. We survive."

The room was silent for a moment before a chair was pulled back and boots resonated through the floor. Indra walked in silence with a hard gesture on her face and stopped once she reached Clarke's spot. The girl looked at her with surprise and stood up when it was clear the woman was expecting her to. Then, the grounder extended her right arm and waited for her to do the same. Their arms were linked with the grounder's salute and Indra nodded before saying _"Wanheda"._ One by one, all the grounder captains walked up to Clarke to repeat the gesture and when the last of them greeted the girl, the dinner was over.

The room was cleared quickly afterwards as everyone retrieved to get some rest. Titus was the last one in the room with Clarke and Lexa and the blonde girl entertained herself looking out one small balcony while Lexa instructed Titus with some directions for the next day.

"That'll be all, Titus" Lexa said and she sounded tired. It had been a long day and it was clear the Commander was in need of much necessary rest. She took one hand to her neck and rubbed it. "You should rest, Heda." The man said "Both of you" he continued looking at Clarke and the girl noticed his tone had softened. "We will." Lexa replied and he nodded.

"Reshop, Heda" he said "Wanheda". He did a small reverence before leaving the room.

Now, it was just the two of them.

Lexa walked to the balcony and stood next to Clarke in silence, looking at the city lights and the dark shadows of the mountains past Polis. They stood in silence for a while without even looking at each other.

"It is beautiful, isn't it?" Clarke finally broke the silence, still looking at the city.

"It is peaceful" Lexa replied.

"I am proud of you, Clarke" the Commander said all of a sudden and Clarke looked at her with surprise.

"What for?" She asked confused.

"You have proven to be a great leader." Lexa explained. "They respect you." She said with a proud voice. The blonde girl shook her head in disbelief and brushed away the compliment.

"They respect Wanheda" She said and Lexa looked at her for a moment before fixating her gaze over the city once more.

"Do you know why we tell war stories?" She asked

"Because they make epic tales to tell at parties?" Clarke joked and Lexa let out a small chuckle. The girls looked at each other as the mood eased.

"We tell our stories so we don't forget where we come from" Lexa finally said looking at the other girl. "Our stories make us who we are, Clarke".

Clarke looked at the brunette and nodded. For the first time since they had met, she felt she could finally see the world through Lexa's eyes.

The girl looked at the city one more time and once again they stood in silence contemplating the night. The sounds of night creatures reached them with every wind blow and it soothed them. They didn't speak for a while but suddenly it felt unnecessary because silence was not uncomfortable when they were together.

"How do you do it?" Clarke finally asked

"Do what?"

"Carry the weight of all your people over your shoulders?"

"Our people" Lexa corrected her.

Clarke looked at her waiting for an answer.

"I am the Commander, Clarke" Lexa said with a quiet tone "It is what I'm expected to do. There's nothing extraordinary about it".

"But going against your own to provide them with the opportunity to start living instead of just surviving. To bring them peace… That is remarkable" Clarke said and Lexa looked at her with surprise "That is something to be proud of." The girl finished and dedicated an honest smile to the brunette.

Lexa felt the blood rushing to her face and she blushed while both looked at each other in silence, she finally allowed herself to smile, grateful.

Clarke's heartbeat raised as the moonlight hit Lexa's face and she could catch a glimpse of the green in her eyes. She looked beautiful.

"It's late" She said feeling nervous "I should…"

"Yes" Lexa replied taking a deep breath "We should."

They looked at each other one more time.

"Reshop, Heda" Clarke said.

"Goodnight, Ambassador" Lexa replied.

And as she walked through the door, Clarke took one last look of the Commander and was struck by the energy that ran through her body like a lightning bolt when she saw her smile.

 


	5. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa get closer but new problems surface with the coalition. A bold proposition by Titus might be the solution they are looking for but will it be too risky?

* * *

 

**\- V -**

Clarke looked at herself in the mirror again. This was the 3rd blouse she had tried on and she was running out of options. Lexa had made sure she had a variety of clean clothes to wear but she hadn't really paid attention to her outfit ever since she got to Polis. As long as there was something to wear that was comfortable, she didn't really care. Not until that morning.

She let out a frustrated sigh as she took off the blouse and tried another one. This one was a simple dark grey t-shirt that was flattering to her figure. She combined it with dark skinny jeans and her combat boots. She had pulled her hair up and her face looked fresh. She was surprised by the image looking back at her from the mirror and hardly recognized herself. She looked rested and her eyes were no longer puffy or red as they had been days before because of the extreme exhaustion. She took one deep breath as she put on the red leather jacket she had brought back from Arkadia.

"Alright…" She said to herself as she took one last look at the mirror and adjusted her clothes "Let's do this".

She took a moment to get some confidence before entering the big dining hall. A huge wooden table occupied most of it and it looked oversized as ten of the chairs remained empty and only the far end of the table was occupied. Lexa and Titus were so immerse in their conversation they didn't even noticed when she walked in so she walked as quietly as she could trying not to interrupt them. She looked at the walls. They were covered with big banners with the clan's symbols and the wall on her left had floor to ceiling windows that allowed the room to have natural light. She looked outside and could see the city already beaming with movement and life. Even though the room was almost at the top of the tower she could recognize the figures of Polis inhabitants coming and going doing their everyday chores. She smiled.

"…to know your feelings will not cloud your judgement" She heard Titus saying as she was closer to the couple and her heart jumped a little bit.

"I.." Lexa said but she stopped abruptly when she noticed Clarke's presence. She immediately stood up to greet her. "Clarke!" The Commander said with a surprised but happy voice and Titus looked at her equally surprised. "I'm so glad you decided to join us" Lexa said with a big smile and she pointed to the chair next to her inviting Clarke to sit.

"I'm sorry" Clarke said "I didn't mean to interrupt" She took the chair Lexa was offering and almost immediately a maiden filled her cup with some of the juice she loved. Lexa was looking at her with special attention and a small smirk barely showing in her lips. Clarke felt herself blushing and she rushed to take the cup to her lips in an attempt to cover it. Lexa took one more second to admire Clarke before relaxing in her own chair.

"So… You were saying, Titus?" The Commander said as she took a bite from an apple.

The man looked at Clarke for a moment unsure of how to continue the conversation. "I was saying… We might encounter some resistance today at the council meeting. Some questions have been raised about the coalition with the Sky People" he said looking at Clarke as he pronounced the last word.

"What kind of questions?" Lexa asked not giving too much importance to it.

"I suppose the Ambassadors don't know enough about the Skaikru to know if they're worthy of trust" he said.

"A Sky person just eradicated the biggest threat of the twelve nations" Lexa said and she smiled at Clarke who smiled back "I think that's worthy enough"

"There's also the problem of territory…" The man continued "Right now the Sky People occupy a portion of the Trikru land but their closeness to the Ice Nation borders has raised some concerns"

"We don't have any intention on occupying other's territory" Clarke intervened.

"Yes, of course" Titus excused himself "But… You would have to agree the current camp you have established at the moment is not exactly the best situation for a long term stay."

Clarke wanted to reply but she knew the man was right, Arkadia was not exactly fit to establish for the long run and eventually Sky People would have to seek for a permanent place to live.

"So what are you suggesting?" Lexa said looking at the bald man.

"I think you might want to consider what we talked before…" He said with caution "I believe that integrating the Skaikru into Polis is their best chance."

Clarke looked at him with concern.

"Integrating?" She said confused.

"Polis is a big and very diverse city. It holds people from all of the clans. Sky people will easily blend with society. They could find suitable jobs and contribute with their knowledge and expertise. You have already proven to be of help with health related issues"

Clarke looked confused and she looked back at Lexa searching for answers but the Commander kept a stoic stare. She did, however, made a small movement with her lower jaw.

"So you're suggesting that the Sky people become grounders?" Clarke said with an incredulous tone.

"I am suggesting that the Sky People find a place to settle here in Polis" Titus clarified "There are not many of you and by being here and integrating to our city you could have an actual chance to thrive. Otherwise the Skaikru would have to find their own ways to be sustainable and contribute to the coalition. That is, after all how society works…"

Clarke looked baffled. "This was never part of the plan…" She said

"This is only in everybody's best interest" Titus continued

"Enough, Titus" Lexa finally said and her advisor sighed frustrated "There's no reason to make sudden decisions about this and the situation with the Skaikru won't change for now"

"But the Ambassadors…" Titus intervened

"The Ambassadors will have to be patient" The Commander interrupted him with a harsh tone and he lowered his head.

"Yes, Heda" He said and stood up "If you excuse me, I need to attend some details before today's meeting"

Lexa nodded granting him permission to leave and the man took one step before stopping to look at both girls.

"I just hope you consider my advice" He said "Both of you". Clarke watched as the man left and the room was silent.

Both Lexa and Clarke ate some breakfast in silence and, for a few moments, the noises of the plates were only interrupted by Clarke's heavy sighing every once in a while.

"You are upset about what Titus said" Lexa finally said looking at the blonde girl.

Clarke played with the fork for a little bit before looking back at the Commander and she gave her a little smile.

"You never told me you had the intention of making us part of your domains" The girl replied with a defensive tone.

"That has never been my intention, Clarke, and you know that is true" Lexa said with a quiet voice.

"But you have discussed it with Titus" Clarke continued still with a sharp voice.

"He talks and I listen" Lexa clarified "And he's only looking out for our best interest"

Clarke didn't reply and concentrated in playing with some fruit still on her plate. Lexa looked at her.

"But that's not really what bothers you, is it?" She finally said and Clarke stopped at the question.

"No" she said with another heavy sigh. "He is right…" She continued sounding defeated "We cannot stay at Arkadia forever and eventually we will have to find a place to establish ourselves. We will have to figure out a way to survive on our own".

Lexa extended one hand and placed it over Clarke's arm to which the girl looked at her surprised by the touch.

"You are not on your own anymore, Clarke" Lexa said looking at her in the eyes "We will find a way, together".

A ray of sun hit directly in Lexa's face and her eyes looked greener than ever. The girls looked at each other and they smiled. Clarke could felt a warmth that grew inside her chest and she bit her lower lip. She leaned slightly towards the brunette who kept holding the gaze until she finally blinked and straightened in her chair.

Lexa looked at Clarke again with a big smile on her face.

"Come with me" She said as she stood up.

"What?" Clarke said confused and she followed Lexa "Where are we going?"

"You'll see" Lexa said and crossed the room with big steps.

Clarke followed Lexa to the elevator and they descended all the floors in silence while the blonde girl was feeling more and more confused. When they exited the tower, Clarke found out a small entourage was waiting for them, as a small group of guards greeted Lexa. They also received her with a warm _Wanheda_ and Lexa replied the salute.

The group started marching and Clarke realized they were going towards the center of the city, where the big market was located. The girl looked around as they walked through Polis and the people stopped their activities to greet the Commander. Everyone seemed to be very happy to see her. It was clear it wasn't only the army who felt highly of her. Clarke realized Lexa was very much loved in her city. She took the time to greet everyone and even stopped to listen to some citizens who expressed some concerns to her or sought for advice.

Clarke was amazed by the city. Ever since she got there she hadn't taken the time to actually see it from the ground. It was bigger than what she expected and full of life and energy. People were coming and going everywhere and she even saw a small group of kids running around and playing. She was struck by the everydayness that surrounded her and she felt happy to be able to witness it. As they continued their stroll, Clarke was surprised to find how organized and diverse the city was. Everywhere she looked there were stores and different establishments where the citizens of Polis carried on with their every day. It was something she had never experienced before and she was amazed by everything she saw. She was also surprised to see that some people in Polis recognized her as well, as a growing _Wanheda_ murmur started to run as the people from the city also wanted her attention. She waved in awe at some of them and Lexa looked at the scene bemused.

The group finally arrived to a big building at one side of the city and Lexa lead her inside. Clarke discovered the place to be a medical facility. Some beds were occupied and some grounders, she assumed to be healers, were coming and going between patients. Lexa walked to one of the beds and the patient quickly recognized her as the old woman kept saying _Heda_ while reaching out to the Commander. The girl took the old woman's hands between hers and whispered some words to the woman's ear that seemed to calm her down. Clarke looked at the healer standing next to the bed but the man slightly shook his head in response. Lexa and the woman shared some few words in grounder's language and Lexa joined their heads for one last prayer before she let the woman's hands go.

"Thank you, _Heda_ " The old woman said with a very quiet voice that was almost like a whisper and Lexa nodded in response and gave her a small smile.

They continued visiting the other beds where Lexa would speak with the patients or their families and offered some comfort while Clarke would speak with the healers and offer some advice on how to treat some of the patients. They didn't stop until they had seen every patient in the room and only after Lexa got a detailed update on what supplies were short. Clarke felt overwhelmed by the gratitude she encountered in the eyes and faces of all the people they had spoken too.

While Lexa was still talking to the healer in charge of the place, Clarke felt something pulling down her jacket and when she looked down she saw a small girl with big brown eyes looking at her. Clarke got to her knees to the little girls level and greeted her with a big smile.

"Hi, sweetie" She said with a soft voice "Are you lost?" But the girl didn't reply and offered her a flower instead which Clarke took surprised.

"Wanheda" said the little girl and she ran away towards her parents who were looking at the distance and smiling back at Clarke.

"Ready to go?" Said Lexa who had been witnessing the scene from behind the blonde girl.

"Let's go" Said Clarke as both walked towards the exit. She took one last look at the room and waved goodbye to the little girl who was waving back.

"You could do so much good here, Clarke" She heard Lexa saying "We can make a real difference in Polis" The Commander said and looked at her hopeful.

Clarke extended a hand to Lexa and waited until she took it with surprise.

"Together?" She asked as she tightened the grip on Lexa's hand.

"Together" Said the Commander with a big smile on her face.

 


	6. Traces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa share a rare moment of peace in Polis as their relationship evolves but a newcomer might disrupt this new found bliss.

* * *

 

**\- VI -**

The pencil did scratching sounds as she pressed it against the sheet. Her fingertips were dark and dirty with graphite as she kept using them to correct minor mistakes and create a more dramatic effect on the shadows. Clarke was very concentrated as she kept repeating traces she didn't feel satisfied with. She took her eyes off the paper to look at her model once more and she felt in awe. Lexa was on the couch, one open book held close to her chest with one hand as the other one fell carelessly off the couch. Her eyes were closed as she was deep asleep. Her respiration had decreased and it had a steady and calm rhythm. Her face was relaxed and Clarke felt like she was intruding a very private moment of the Commander's life. She was also amazed by how calm the other girl looked. This was the very first time they had been alone in such an intimate moment and Clarke felt the need to capture it in a drawing. She realized this was the first time since her days at the ark that she felt the urge to draw and she devoted herself to the task.

In the last days, Clarke and Lexa had become closer as the Commander kept her determination in including Clarke in every aspect of the everyday in Polis. It didn't take long to the Skaikru to realize Lexa was actually teaching her the basics of ruling a nation (or in Lexa's case 13). First were the meetings with the council and as Titus had anticipated she was greeted with some reluctance from the other Ambassadors who were not exactly happy with the new terms of the coalition. Lexa, however, was quick to dismiss the questioning and made sure to include Clarke's point of view in every conversation the council discussed, even those of which the Skaikru had no idea. She had decided that backing up anything the Commander suggested was the best thing to do but as the days went by the Ambassadors had become used to her presence and even admired her advice regarding some supply problems with one of the clans. Lexa had been very pleased that day and as a reward she had taken Clarke to witness one of the nightbloods trainings. Titus of course had been very outraged by this since he pointed out the nightblood rituals were sacred, trainings included, but Clarke was pleased to realize it had only been an excuse for Lexa to show off some of her moves with Aiden.

Then it had been the reunions with the Skaikru delegation. Clarke had been surprised to realize Lexa let her be the leading voice in every reunion and even allowed her to be the one making the big suggestions only providing input when she asked her for or she had something to add to her ideas. That had been a smart move by the Commander since the suggestion of inserting the Sky people gradually into Polis was met with divided reactions. Marcus had been very enthusiastic about it and immediately supported the idea of the Sky people moving to Polis but her mother had her reservations and wasn't exactly sure the Skaikru were ready for such a big step. They had decided they would analyze the proposal for a few days before their next meeting and that they wouldn't make it public until they had come up with a plan to make it happen, if they decided to do it. In the meantime, they informed them that elections had been called upon Arcadia so a new Chancellor was to be elected at the end of the week. Clarke was invited to go back to Arcadia on Election Day to participate since she was also a Skaikru and should had a vote. It was decided she would go back to Arcadia the day before the elections and would return to Polis once the new Chancellor had been elected and presented to the Sky People.

Routine was also a new addition to Clarke's life since she and Lexa had taken the habit of walking through Polis at least once a day. They didn't have a specific agenda for it, but Clarke loved those moments because she got to see most of Polis. After the visit to the medical facility, a place Clarke seemed to love and made sure to visit every day to help, Lexa had taken her to see a grounder school, where all the kids were very excited to finally meet the _legendary_ Wanheda, they took a stroll through the market, where she tried some unique ingredients she had never seen in her life and they also visited the army's headquarters, outside of Polis, where the grounder captains greeted her with enthusiasm and showed her part of their training routines.

Clarke was very impressed by the city and her initial doubts about the integration of the Sky People in Polis seemed to slowly fade away as the days went by. Everything she saw or learned was exciting and the societal system the twelve nations had crafted for years seemed less precarious or savage as she had initially believed. It was clear now that war was not the only thing the grounders knew, and Lexa's prophecy was fulfilled: Polis had changed entirely Clarke's idea about them.

Their relationship had also changed. Clarke and Lexa had become closer with time and the blonde girl had finally allowed herself to lower her defenses with the Commander as they spent a lot of time together. However Lexa always felt a little distant. Clarke took the determination to have breakfast together every day since it was a quiet moment and they could both enjoy a more private conversation. She also found Lexa to be more willing to share about herself during breakfast than at other occasions. They hadn't spoken about it but it seemed both of them had decided not to share many private diners together since Lexa only invited her occasionally and always if there were others involved, but she took the habit of walking Clarke to her bedroom every night and they had their usual "Reshop Heda/Commander" moment.

She also noticed that Lexa didn't seem to spend time with others during the day. As the days went by it was clear that the Commander was lonely most of her time. Aside from Titus, who usually followed the girl everywhere, Lexa didn't seem to interact with other people aside from business. Some days she would share a meal with Indra or other grounder captains, but the Commander was always business when she was not secluded in her chambers or with the nightbloods. So Clarke understood the surprised looks they usually got when they took upon their daily walks and shared meals. It was clear that Lexa was not a very social person and Clarke's presence had changed that aspect of her.

That afternoon, however, the afternoon walk was postponed due to an unexpected storm that covered the city. Clarke loved the rain and couldn't get pass her surprise every time it happened on earth. They never had rain back on the ark so the experience was always something that marveled her. Lexa found it amusing and said she couldn't see what was so special about rain, but followed Clarke outside when the blonde girl insisted in going out to dance in it. Lexa did not dance, but Clarke didn't mind and did a couple of twirls with open arms until she got a chuckle out of the Commander who was watching from the door. Finally, Lexa insisted they should go back inside and Clarke complied but just as she reached the other girl, she pulled her back to the rain with a wicked laughter while she heard the unsuspected Commander let out a loud "Clarke!" as the water soaked them both. Clarke ran away jumping on puddles while Lexa chased after her with an angry face, but eventually both girls were running around playfully and laughing.

After a while, they made it back inside and rushed to Lexa's chambers to dry themselves, still laughing with an accomplice laughter. Lexa didn't offer an explanation when they ran into Titus who gave them a questioning look as he saw them soaked and they just kept rushing to the room bursting again with laughter. Once inside, an army of maidens hurried to give them towels and clean clothes to change but Lexa dismissed them all so the two girls were left alone.

Once Clarke was finally dry and in new clothes she came back from the changing room to find out someone had brought a tray with hot cocoa that was steaming from a couple of cups. The blonde girl rushed to the table and grabbed one. She loved hot cocoa and Lexa watched her bemused as she took a small sip closing her eyes as the hot liquid filled her body with a warm embrace. Clarke sat in a couch while Lexa followed occupying the other one, cup in hand. They sat in silence for a while just enjoying their drinks and listening to the rain that kept pouring outside.

"Thank you" Clarke finally broke the silence with a soft voice and Lexa looked at her surprised.

"What for?" The Commander said.

"This. Everything" Clarke continued and added with a small smile "The rain…"

"I don't think I'm the one to thank for the rain" Lexa replied "I might be the Commander but even I can't control the weather." Clarke let out a small chuckle and then both girls were in silence again. The skaikru released a long sigh.

"This was the first time in forever I felt… alive" She said and then looked at Lexa in the eyes "Home…" Lexa felt a warm feeling running through her veins and she looked back at Clarke with a shy smile.

"This is home, Clarke" She said "And I am glad you feel happy."

"I do" The blonde girl said almost immediately and Lexa's smile widened.

"Which reminds me…" Said the Commander as she put her cup in the small table in front of them and walked to a corner of the room. Clarke followed her movements with an intrigued look and felt curious as she saw the brunette come back carrying a wooden box in her hands. "Here…" Lexa said as she handled it to Clarke "I figured you would like this."

Clarke took the wooden box carefully and opened it to find a big sketch book, pencils, and different types of drawing materials. She felt overwhelmed as she could not believe what she was seeing. Not even in the ark had she ever owned such a variety of tools and supplies.

"Lexa…" She said but stopped still in awe.

"You mentioned the other day how you used to draw back in space so I figured you might find some good use to that" Lexa said looking pleased.

"Oh, Lexa… I… This is too much" Clarke said hesitant but still going through the contents of the box.

"It's fine. Titus keeps insisting I should take on improving my artistic skills but it is not really my thing." She explained "Perhaps you can do better with it." Clarke felt some tears rushing to her eyes but she managed to hold them and keep composure. When she finally looked back at Lexa she felt struck with gratitude towards the other girl.

"Thank you" She finally said and the Commander replied with a sincere smile. Clarke knew there was nothing she could ever said to tell Lexa how much gratitude she felt about the way she had changed her life, and there were probably no words that were able to describe how much she felt for the girl at that point, but at the same time she felt words were unnecessary.

Now, Clarke was giving the final touches to her portrait of the Commander. The rain had stopped a while ago but she had stayed in Lexa's room occupied with her sketches while Lexa decided to review some old books. The other girl shifted in her sleep and slowly opened her eyes feeling disoriented for a moment and surprised to see Clarke looking back at her.

"Hey…" The Skaikru said putting down her sketch book for a second.

"Hey…" Lexa said still a bit confused.

"Everything ok?" Clarke said with a worried voice. Lexa sat on the couch and looked outside the window. "The rain has stopped" She said.

"Yeah, it stopped a while ago."

"What are you doing?" Lexa said pointing at the sketch book and Clarke pulled it closer to herself to prevent her from seeing it.

"Oh… Nothing, really… just some random sketches…" She was nervous but she was caught off guard when Lexa stood and quickly walked to her side to peek under her arms to catch a glimpse of the drawing. Clarke finally conceded and showed it to her feeling a bit embarrassed, her cheeks turning red.

Lexa looked at her portrait and didn't say anything for a while. She took it to inspect it up close with a strange look in her face. "I-It's not… finished" Clarke added not sure what to interpret from Lexa's reaction feeling more nervous and embarrassed.

"Clarke…" Lexa finally said almost like a whisper and looked at Clarke. The blonde girl felt surprised to discover how vulnerable Lexa looked. Her brow slightly furrowed, her eyes glowing more than ever and her cheeks definitely red. Clarke took a step closer and now they were inches from each other. Clarke could hear Lexa's respiration increasing at the same beat her own heart rushed inside her chest. They looked at each other in the eye as if looking for an answer to the unspoken question that lingered in the air, and at that moment they suddenly knew the answer was yes.

Clarke took a deep breath before moving even closer to the Commander who didn't move but looked as she was about to cry. The room was silent and Clarke wondered if the heartbeat she could hear was Lexa's or her own. Clarke licked her lips and Lexa swallowed.

Then there was a heavy knock on the door.

It took them a while to react but the spell was broken and both felt flustered. Clarke took the drawing from Lexa's hand and put it back to her sketch book while the Commander walked away and took two deep breaths. Another knock on the door, this one more insisting.

"Yes?" Lexa finally answered annoyed. The doors opened wide and Titus entered the room but stopped when he saw Clarke putting back the art supplies in the box.

"Oh… I didn't…" Said the man looking at both girls with surprise and embarrassment.

"What is it, Titus?" Lexa sounded upset and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at the bald man.

"I didn't mean to interrupt" Titus said and gave a knowing look to both of them. Lexa did not appreciated it. "But you are needed in the throne room."

"I'll be right there…" The Commander replied with a sharp tone.

"Actually…" Said the man "Both of you are needed." Clarke looked at Lexa looking for answers but she looked as confused as her.

"King Roan of Azgeda demands to see you both."

 


	7. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roan's comeback to Polis is not a happy reunion for the Commander but he has a proposal that puts a test on Clarke and Lexa's trust.

* * *

 

**-VII-**

Lexa was pissed. Clarke could tell by the way she kept clutching her fists and the heaviness of every step she took as they followed Titus to the throne room. Was it because they had been interrupted? Or the loathe Lexa felt towards Roan was bigger than what Clarke had initially thought? She knew the heir of Azgeda was not Lexa’s favorite person, but was there something else between them that she hadn’t figured out yet?

Roan was waiting in the room alone when they entered and the moment his eyes met with Lexa’s, Clarke could see her body tensed.

“Leave us” She said with a cold voice to a surprised Titus who reluctantly made a bow before exiting the room.

“Heda” The man said as the couple approached him “Wanheda”

“Roan” Clarke replied but Lexa didn’t. She took a few more steps and stopped, giving the man a cold glare. “I am sorry for the unannounced visit” The king excused himself “I was around and decided to drop by.”

“You were around?” Lexa inquired with a sharp voice.

“I had some business to attend in a village nearby and was on my way back to Azgeda when I was caught by the storm and sought for refuge in Polis.” Lexa was not impressed and kept her stoic stare while Clarke began to get nervous about where things were going. “Anyway…” Roan said noticing the unwelcoming look on the Commander “Since I was in the city, I figure this would be a good opportunity to come by and properly thank you for saving my life.”

“I didn’t save your life” Lexa quickly interrupted him “Clarke did.” Clarke and Roan were both caught by surprise with the response but the King allowed a small smile to form on his lips.

“Then I shall thank you, Wanheda” He said addressing to Clarke “I owe my life to you.” Clarke was nervous and felt everything was some sort of trap. She looked at Lexa for advice and she could feel the Commander was not buying Roan’s act.

“You owe me nothing” The skaikru said “I was just doing the right thing to do for my people.” The king smiled again and conceded a small bow.

“Still…” He continued “As proof of my gratitude towards your mercy and noble actions with me, I do have a gift for you.”

“What is this about, Roan?” Lexa said visibly annoyed.

“I believe I have in my possession something of great value for both of you, or shall I say… Someone.” Roan said and looked at Clarke who frowned. Both girls looked at each other with confused and suspicious looks. “I assume by now you probably know that the attack on Mount Weather needed an inside job to activate the self-destruction codes.”

“Emmerson” Clarke said and Roan nodded. “Upon my mother’s death, he fled but my hunters were able to track him not far away from our domains. He’s been held prisoner and awaits for his trial.”

“So now what? You came here to bargain with him?” Lexa said with an ironic tone in her voice that Roan noticed.

“The Ice Nation has every right to judge him and take justice” The man said losing his calm “But…” he added regaining his temple “We do owe to Wanheda for putting an end on decades of pain and torture.”

Clarke felt confused not sure to believe the King or not.

“So, as a show of good faith and my commitment to the coalition, I’ve decided to deliver the prisoner to you so he can be properly judged.” Clarke was surprised but Lexa still remained unimpressed “I only ask in return that the man is indicted as a traitor to the coalition and a murderer.”

“Emmerson was your mother’s accomplice” Lexa said with a cold voice “How can I be sure he is not yours as well?”

“I am not my mother” Roan answered visibly upset.

“And yet you were willing to kill me at first chance and even got Clarke to do the dirty job” Lexa said slowly as she took some steps around the room. Roan and Clarke looked at each other. Lexa turned to look at both.

“I made a mistake” He said as an apology “And you were going to kill me anyway.”

“And yet, here you are…” The Commander walked around the tall man “Alive. A King.” The girl stopped facing him and looked directly to his eyes “But I have yet to forget who you truly are, Roan krom Azgeda” Her voice was deep and her stare was cold. Clarke felt shivers down her spine.

“Deliver Emmerson to me, as a sign of Azgeda’s commitment to the coalition” The Commander said walking to her throne, hands held behind her back “And as a sign of your will to end any dispute you might have with the Sky People.”

Roan didn’t look pleased but he bowed to the Commander.

“I’ll give the order as soon as I am back to Azgeda, Heda” the man said still bowing but Lexa didn’t say another word. The man did a smaller bow as a goodbye to Clarke before exiting the room and as he closed the door, the room was silent.

“Do you trust him?” Clarke said to Lexa who was standing still next to her throne.

“Do you?” She replied looking at Clarke who didn’t answer. Lexa walked to a nearby window and entertained herself looking outside, avoiding Clarke’s gaze. The girl took some steps closer to the Commander until she was standing behind her but couldn’t find enough courage to say something.

“You knew about the knife?” She finally said with a coy voice but Lexa didn’t look back at her.

“I figured” Lexa said and Clarke took a small deep breath and a couple of steps until she was standing next to the other girl.

“I was angry at you” She said and her voice was sad. She was looking at the floor too embarrassed to face the Commander. Lexa released a small sigh and her body relaxed. “I know” she said with a soft tone and she finally looked at Clarke. The blonde girl looked small and the sadness on her expression pierced Lexa’s heart.

“Are you still mad at me?” Lexa said and Clarke immediately looked back at her “Of course not!” the skaikru quickly replied and Lexa smiled. Clarke’s body relaxed when she saw the Commander’s little smile although it was a sad one.

They looked at each other for a second but Clarke was unable to figure out what was going through the Commander’s mind in that moment. Lexa was such a mystery most of the time, impossible to read.

“He is not a terrible person, you know?” Clarke said “He did help me to reach Queen Nia when I tried to…” She stopped and Lexa looked back at her still with a melancholic look. “I just think maybe you should give him a chance” she continued and Lexa turned to face the window again, putting some distance between them.

“There are things you don’t know, Clarke” The Commander said and her voice was firm, her Commander’s expression back to her face. “I know everyone deserves a second chance…” Clarke said and Lexa was caught off guard. “People can change…” The ambassador said. Lexa closed her eyes and let out a long sigh shaking her head slightly.

“You have a good heart, Clarke” She said and turned to face the other girl “It’s pure” Clarke smiled and looked at her hopeful. Lexa walked back and now both girls were facing each other again.

“I don’t trust Roan” Lexa admitted and Clarke gave her a worried look. Then, the blonde girl took the Commander’s hand and Lexa looked at her with surprise.

“Then trust me” Clarke said. Lexa took a step closer and Clarke’s heartbeat rose immediately. The Commander took her face with one hand and their lips joined in a small and gentle kiss. Clarke closed her eyes as her hands pulled the other girl’s body closer and replied the kiss with a little more hunger. Still, the kiss was sweet and short, but when they separated both girls were breathing heavily. Lexa maintained her face close to Clarke’s and brushed her nose against hers, eyes still closed. Clarke’s hands traveled through Lexa’s back and caressed her hair.

“I do trust you” Lexa let out in a whisper, her voice was soft and trembling. They looked at each other once more, before Clarke kissed the Commander again. 

 


	8. Alternatives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is on her way back to Arkadia for election day and things are not as simple as she would have prefered. The road looks clear ahead but there might be some surprises along the way.

VIII

“Yes, Heda”. Clarke heard Indra’s voice and saw Lexa gave her captain a few more instructions to which the woman replied with heavy nods and furtive glances towards the skaikru. Clarke sighed and focused her attention on her entourage. It wasn’t big, a couple of horses and four soldiers awaited for departure. Still, it felt overly excessive to Clarke. She had had a discussion with Lexa that morning when she discovered Lexa had decided to send a big group to guard her way back to Arkadia. It was for her protection, the Commander said but Clarke wasn’t amused at Lexa being overly dramatic. At least, she thought, it hadn’t occurred to the Commander to go herself; but the thought of Lexa believing Clarke was not capable enough to make the short trip back to Arkadia on her own and the Commander thinking she needed a babysitter made her uncomfortable. She knew Lexa’s intentions were noble but it bothered her to realize Lexa still believed at times Clarke needed to be protected. She was more than capable to protect herself, she had argued, besides there was no longer a bounty on her head and now that the war was over there was no reason to believe she was in danger. Lexa didn’t look convinced but in the end she agreed on sending a small group with Clarke and that settled the argument.

“Ready to go?” Lexa said once she finally reached her to say goodbye.

“Looks like everything and everyone are packed” Clarke said with irony in her voice and Lexa gave her a look.

“Clarke…” The commander said but she got interrupted.

“I just don’t like to be babysitted” The skaikru said visibly annoyed.

“You are not” Lexa explained with a calm voice but Clarke didn’t look convinced. Lexa took a small step closing the distance between them and whispered “I’ll miss you”.

Clarke looked at her with surprise. She was sure no one else had heard the Commander’s voice but she could still feel Indra’s eyes following their movements carefully. She took a small step back to put some distance between the Commander and herself.

“I’ll be back before you notice” she replied with another whisper and they could hear Indra moving awkwardly in the background, settling the horses once more. Both girls smiled. “See you soon, Commander” Clarke said and Lexa replied with a wider smile as she saw the Ambassador take her horse and march with the group outside of Polis.

The trip back to Arkadia wasn’t long but it felt longer than usual given the fact that Indra, who marched at her side, barely said anything. Clarke had attempted to initiate a casual conversation but Indra’s answers were always short and she didn’t seem interested in pursuing the conversation. Clarke could feel there was an awkward atmosphere around them and she caught the grounder studying her movements. The girl decided to enjoy the surroundings and plan a course of action for when she finally arrived to Arkadia. She wasn’t really interested into politics but she knew this election would be a determining point on the relation between the Sky people and the Grounders.

She had been in contact with her mother and other people from Arkadia. Although her mother assured her that everything was ok, she knew (thanks to Raven’s account) that the tension in the camp had been growing. The division between Kane’s and her mother’s supporters and Pike’s supporters had deepened in the days following her departure. Pike had been campaigning openly for the post against Kane (who seemed to be the natural choice to get the lead from her mother) and Pike’s group had become more and more radical as the elections got closer. She wasn’t exactly surprised to find out that Bellamy had been trying to convince more folks to join them but she felt saddened to learn that Jasper had joined the group as well. Still, Raven assured her that the chance for a victory in Pike’s side was low but Clarke wasn’t feeling as confident.

Lost in her trail of thoughts, Clarke almost fell of her horse when it suddenly stopped and it took her a moment to realize it was Indra the one who has holding the reins. She looked at the captain with a surprised look but the grounder instructed her to keep quiet before she could make a sound. The soldiers moved nervously around the women and Clarke looked around trying to figure out what was going on but she could only see trees and an empty road.

“Show yourself!” Indra commanded to what Clarke believed to be an empty forest and everyone stayed still as everything that could be heard of were some crickets and some distant birds. Clarke’s hands got cold.

“We know you are out there and I know you’ve been following us… so show yourself now!” Indra’s voice was sharp and loud and it gave Clarke the chills. Someone had been following them? For how long? How could she had failed to notice?

There was a small crack on her left side and some rustle as a figure approached them from the shadows. Indra and the guards reached for their weapons and Clarke’s hand went straight for the hidden knife Lexa had insisted on her to conceal in her boots. There were a couple of heavy steps and Clarke’s heart rose as she saw the tall figure emerge from the trees. When their eyes met, the girl looked at the man in disbelief.

Roan was standing facing the group with his hands held high and a smile on his lips. He looked bemused.

“I come in peace” he said “Please, there’s no need for weapons” the King continue pointing at the axes.

“Roan?!” Clarke said surprised.

“Why the mystery?” Indra said still sword in hand “Is it a habit of your majesty to wander the forest and follow other travelers?” Roan smiled and walked closer to the group. Clarke noticed Indra’s body getting tensed and two of the grounder soldiers stopped the king before he could get any closer. Clarke inspected the man. He didn’t seem to be carrying any weapons but she couldn’t be sure. She felt confused.

“I just want to make sure Wanheda reaches her destination safely” the man said looking at Clarke and her brow furrowed in confusion.

“I believe we can do the job just fine” Indra replied back with a sharp voice.

“Then don’t hold it against me if I wanted to share the company” The king said with irony.

“If you wanted to come with us, why didn’t you say something?” Clarke finally spoke. She tried to imitate Indra’s tone. She had asked Lexa to trust the man the night before but now she wasn’t sure she should do the same.

“I doubt the Commander would have allowed it” The man said with a shrug “And I wanted a few words with you alone…” He said and Clarke’s brow furrowed again. What was all this about? She looked at Indra and she noticed a small shake on the Captain’s head. Clarke descended from her horse to the grounder’s surprise.

“Wanheda!” The captain said as the girl kept walking towards the man.

“It’s ok, Indra” The girl said and she nodded to the soldiers as they lowered their weapons. “We can walk together. They will follow us up close. It’s not too far from Arkadia” She instructed to the King and he smiled, pleased. Indra sighed visibly upset but the entourage complied to the orders and the couple took the lead as the group followed them.

The pair walked in silence for a few moments but the girl could tell the man was studying her up close with a smile.

“So… Speak” Clarke said with a dry tone and Roan almost laughed but he restrained. She gave him a hard look. “You said you wanted to talk, so talk” She commanded.

Roan smiled at her.

“You have changed so much since we met” He said looking at the road “Lexa has taught you well.” Clarke took a hint of the irony in his voice. He was mocking her. She had fail to notice his presence during the trip. How long had he been following them? How long had everyone but her known of him? Was Lexa right? Was she unable to look after herself? And what if it hadn’t been Roan? And how could she be sure that talking was his plan all along?

“Don’t mock me” She said angered and for a second he looked embarrassed.

“I am sorry. It was never my intention” The man said as he lowered his gaze to the ground. “I know you probably don’t believe me but I think highly of you, Clarke.” The king said to her surprise. “You are a strong woman. Confident. And you see the world with different eyes.” Clarke listened carefully not sure where the conversation was going but Roan sounded sincere. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. “I know Lexa doesn’t realize how strong you are.” Roan gave a quick glance at Indra who was following them close and gave back a cold stare. Clarke felt a sharp pain through her gut. She didn’t like that Roan had figure out that Lexa still didn’t trust her skills.

“You don’t know Lexa” She replied and in her mind she continued with _as I do_. She didn’t utter those words though.

“I know more of the Commander than you know” Roan said again lost in his own thoughts. “We go way back, you know…”

“Do you?” Clarke asked but he didn’t continue with it. He just smiled back.

“I believe I have a solution for the Skykru’s current situation” The man said with more confidence and the girl seemed confused.

“Situation?” She said not sure of what he was talking about.

“You need a place to settle, I have vast lands on the other side of the border” The king said and Clarke was surprised by his proposition.

“I thought our closeness to the Ice nation was something of concern” She said.

“Is it?” He wondered pretending not to know what she was talking about. “I am more than pleased to welcome those who brought peace to my people and helped me become King.” The man said “There’s non occupied land at the south you could settle in, close enough to the Trikku land if you chose to remain close to your current location. I am willing to let your people establish their domains with enough independence for you to continue your own ways. You won’t be bothered by others.”

Clarke was suspicious and surprised by Rowan’s offering. She did not see that coming. The king kept surprising her every time.

“And the Sky nation will be ok with us moving to your territory? It wasn’t long ago since you were hunting us down” Clarke replied skeptical.

“The Sky nation will do as their King commands.” He said “And besides… It’s an alternative to integrating yourself back in Polis. Under my domains, Skaikru will be left alone… If you wish.” Clarke was taken by surprise. How did Roan know about Lexa’s proposal?

“Sounds too good to be true” The girl said “What’s in it for you?” Clarke studied Roan’s face carefully. There had to be something more she still hadn’t figure out. Nothing could ever be that easy.

“Well… I get to be closer to you, of course.” He said with a flirty smile and the blonde girl couldn’t help to blush.

The group stopped just a few meters away from the big gates of Arkadia and she could see the guards carefully inspecting the entourage.

“Think about it, will you?” Roan said and then he whistled. A big white horse came rushing from the trees about a mile ahead. “It might be a good thing to have alternatives to offer in the election.” He said as he watched his horse getting closer. Clarke’s body tensed. She didn’t like the fact that Roan knew too much. She didn’t like that he seemed to be always one step ahead. This was not ok. Lexa was right not to trust him.

“Give Heda my regards” He said jumping on his horse. “And thank you for the pleasant company.” He said with a sarcastic tone looking back at Indra. Then he galloped away.

Clarke watched him go as the doors of Arcadia opened for her. She felt uneased. Unsure. There hadn’t been a moment when she had missed Lexa more.

And with a deep breath, she walked inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow!
> 
> It took me forever to post a new chapter and for that I am deeply sorry. I have an exhausting agenda and it was hard to find time and inspiration to continue this work.
> 
> To all of you who wrote to me during this time: Yes, I do have the intention to finish this story. I promise to do my best to post more regularly.
> 
> Things are getting more interesting. I wonder where they will lead. My inbox is open for ideas!
> 
> And as per usual, thank you all for the kind comments and kudos! I promise to keep working on this ahead of the new season. It's always nice to have alternatives, right? ;)


	9. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is back to Arkadia for the election of their new leader and even though Kane is confident he will be elected, the new found influence of Pike pose a threat for the coalition. Who will be elected as the new leader of the Sky People and what will it mean for tue future of Clarke and Lexa's life?

-IX-

 

She was welcomed by her mother who gave her a long hug and then proceeded to inspect her as if she were looking for any new scars or bruises. Marcus joined the group soon after and greeted Indra and the grounders with joy. They were led inside for lunch and even though Indra assure them that they were not staying the night, Marcus insisted that the Grounders were always welcome at Arkadia.

Clarke wasn’t so sure about that. It didn’t take her long to realize the tension inside Arkadia had spiked as the election came closer. The group of people on Marcus and her mother’s side was still large, but it was no doubt Pike had gathered some followers himself. Everywhere she walked around she could hear whispering and felt eyes following her. Her mother had assured her that everything was going according to the plan and that the elections would only be a simple formality, since it was pretty much assumed Marcus would be their next elected leader. Clarke wasn’t that sure anymore.

Indra and the grounders had returned to Polis later in the afternoon with the promise of coming back for Clarke following the elections to which she didn’t have a lot to say. She was still embarrassed and worried about her earlier encounter with King Roan and decided not opposing to Indra’s commands was probably the best way to ease the Captain’s own worries. However, she did have one request for the woman, as she made her promise not to tell Lexa about what had happen on the way to Arkadia. Indra had been very reluctant about it but she finally gave in and promised not to say anything about it until Clarke had had time to tell Lexa herself. Lexa didn’t need more worries at the time, Clarke had told her, and the peace was still so fragile, she was worried she would take Roan’s actions as a threat.

Now, she finally had some time for herself. She had decided to take a walk over the camp to clear her thoughts. She wasn’t sure how she was going to present Roan’s offer to Marcus and her mother or if she was even going to do it. It was clearly a trap of some sort, she just couldn’t figure out how yet. She also didn’t know how she was going to tell Lexa about it without the Commander going on a furious rampage. But she couldn’t completely dismiss Roan’s proposal. After all, finally having a land of their own on earth was closer to everyone’s desire since they landed and would be an easier transition to their new life than Lexa’s idea of integration. Taking away the fact that Azgeda’s agenda had always been to slaughter them, that is.

“Hey! Everything ok?” Said a voice behind her and Clarke jumped in surprise. “Wow… so much going on in that head of yours?” Said the girl with a bemused tone as she left some tools on a table nearby and walked towards the blond girl limping slightly in the process.

“I’m sorry” Said Clarke as she smiled back at the other girl. “So many things have happened in so little time. I’m still trying to make sense of it.”

“Tell me about it” Raven replied but frowned as Clarke was evidently still lost in her own thoughts. “You look like you need a drink.”

“What?” Clarke finally responded surprised

“Come. I’ll treat!” The brunette said as she gestured to the back side of the garage she had been working on and towards a small shed. She poured something in a couple of glasses and gave one to Clarke. The blonde girl took a sip and immediately started coughing. The flavor was strong and she could feel the liquid burning her tongue and throat as it worked its way down. Raven was laughing.

“What is this?” Clarke said trying to recover her breath which prompted more laughter from the other girl.

“I don’t know… Probably antifreeze” Said Raven as she took another sip and Clarke smiled. “So… What’s up?” The mechanic said.

Clarke took a long look to the glass and let out a small sigh.

“How’s everything with Lexa? Things are going well”

“Yeah. Things are going great with her.”

“How great? You mean like great or GREAT?” Raven said stressing the last word and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“We are getting to know each other” Raven smiled knowingly “Not in that way, Raven” But the brunette only laughed.

Clarke finally joined in the laughter.

“But that’s not what’s bothering you, is it?” Raven questioned

The blonde girl took another sip of her glass making a weird face.

“I just… I feel like my mom and Marcus have been keeping things from me, you know? The say everything is going fine but I think they only say that to protect me.” Clarke looked at Raven in the eyes “How are things here, Raven? Can you please tell?”

The mechanic took a long sigh as she put her glass on a shelf and looked outside.

“People are scared, you know?” She said still looking away. “They are just tired of fighting. Ever since we got here it feels that the only thing we’ve been doing is trying not to die or being killed. Ever since the attack on Mount Weather things have been hard. They just… People lost so many friends and family…”

“We all have lost people we love” Clarke said.

“True… But it’s harder when you feel like you’re not in control.” Raven said and finally looked back at Clarke. “Look I’m not saying that they don’t appreciate all the work and sacrifice you’ve made, but things are different when you’re not the one making the decisions.”

“Do you think this has been easy on me? I never asked for this…” Clarke said and she sounded hurt. Raven sat next to her and put a hand on hers.

“None of us did, Clarke.” The blonde girl looked as she was about to cry “I know it’s not easy to make difficult choices, especially when they’re not popular ones. I mean, I had a hard time coming to terms with some of the decisions you made, but not everyone has had the opportunity of seeing what we’ve seen.

You know, living up there… We were isolated from life, living in our own little bubble. Life was simpler. I guess we never realized it back then but we were prisoners in a jail we built for ourselves and now, for the first time in a hundred years, we are free. And that’s scary.

I guess that’s why Pike’s ideas are popular with some people. Going back to isolation, to what we used to know. Going back to control, instead of letting ourselves go. Not everyone sees the world the way you see it, Clarke. But that’s why you are a good leader, because you get to see potential where others only see trouble.”

“But what if I’m wrong, Raven? What if I make the wrong choices?” Clarke said and she looked sad.

“You got us this far. Ended war. Brought us peace and gave us a second chance.” Raven reassured her. “Look, I know things won’t be easier looking forward, but at least you are giving us and alternative, a real chance in life. Not just survival.”

“Life should be more than just surviving, right?” Clarke said with a sad smile as she was stroked with the memory of her past conversations with Lexa.

“Right.” Raven said with a smile.

“Lexa wants to integrate the Sky People into Polis after the elections. She wants us to truly became one of the clans. Become immerse into their culture. She thinks it’s our best chance to thrive on earth.”

“I know” Raven said and Clarke seemed surprised.

“You know?”

“Yeah, your mom told me” The brunette replied and Clarke looked even more surprised.

“My mom?”

“Yeah, she seems to like me? I guess with you away she has sort of taken me under her wing…”

Clarke started laughing and Raven joined.

“So… What do you think?” The blonde girl said.

“I think… You should have hope- Raven’s hand squeezed Clarke’s slightly.” That’s the one thing you never seem to lose. You can’t afford doing it right now.

“Hope…” Said Clarke

“I certainly have hope on you, Clarke” Raven said and their eyes met again before Clarke pulled the other girl into a strong hug.

* * *

 

 

Clarke spent the rest of the day talking with others in the Camp. She got a quick update of the current border situation and it was a relief to know that since they had become the thirteen clan, and Roan had become king, things had been rather quiet with the grounders and Azgeda. Still, she could sense the fear Raven was talking about since the majority felt peace would be temporary and a new attack would come any day.

She also got a chance to talk with some people about the idea of an integration with the grounders in Polis and opinions were split. Some people believed that it could be a good idea to start over and that being in Polis, under the Commander’s watch, would be safer than being on their own, while others completely refused the idea and feared that would mean giving up to everything they were and become new grounders, an idea Clarke found out to be especially negative.

It wasn’t until later that night, however, that Clarke got a sense of how polarized the integration idea was. She had been returning from a long walk when she found herself in the middle of a gathering in the south part of camp. A group of people were surrounding what seemed to be a couple of tables put together and someone standing on them giving a speech. Clarke hid herself in the darkness and got as close as she could without being notice, but she could hear the man talking and the loud cheers of the crowd.

“Tomorrow we will be facing an important decision” the man said “And make no mistake, my friends, we are not choosing our next leader. We are choosing the future of human kind! When our ancestors left this planet a hundred years ago, they did it with only one goal in mind: To save humanity. Earth was promised to us, folks. We just had to be patient and patience would be rewarded with a home. And what did we find? A land where we are at the bottom of the chain? Savages who feel they should have what we rightfully own?”

The crowd answered with loud exclamations of disapproval.

“You know, our leaders got it all wrong. They think we’ve been giving a second chance by the grounders. I say we were given a second chance by the ones who chose us to be saved. We were chosen with a purpose, to come back to earth and rebuild it. But now you hear Marcus Kane and his ideas on integration. Integration? Are we savages?!”

There was a loud refusal from the crowd.

“Look, I don’t know what those savages did to Kane but it is clear he no longer sees them for what they are: A threat. They say now they don’t want to kill us, but that’s the only thing they’ve ever wanted since the beginning! And now we are supposed to believe in a coalition? A coalition with the very same grounder who chose to abandon us in Mount Weather! Make no mistakes, my friends, grounders will always choose grounders first. I say, isn’t it time for us to start doing the same?”

The crowd erupted with loud cheers and Clarke felt her heart sunk. She got back to her bunker but couldn’t sleep at all. It was clear that Pike’s ideas were popular and she feared they would be popular enough to win the election. She even went to her mother and tried to convince her to stop the elections so they could have more time to think of a new strategy, but her mother dismissed her concerns assuring her it was already too late and people should be given the chance to decide.

When morning came, Clarke had a horrible feeling on the top of her stomach. It had been decided that the voting process would be held all morning at the large garage and it would be a secret vote. No candidates were announced, since everyone would have the chance to nominate whoever they felt was the best next leader. Votes would be counted at noon.

Clarke spent all morning pacing outside of the garage as Sky people went in to cast their votes. Some would past next to her and give her a small smile or shake her hand in support while others would look at her with loath. Marcus had casted his vote very early and was accompanied by a group of loyal followers. Pike waited until mid-morning to do the same and although the group who came with him wasn’t that large, it was loud.

At noon, all the people from Arkadia got together for the vote count. Clarke felt she was about to pass out but Marcus and her mother didn’t seem specially preoccupied about it. The girl, however was sweating and was sure she was about to throw up any second.

“We will now count the votes” her mother said taking the stage “And please remember, this was a democratic election. Whatever the results we will honor and respect the desires of the majority. Now, anyone who’s nominated, please take a spot here in the stage until the counting is completed.”

The crowd was roaring with expectation as the first votes began to be counted. The first name to be called was Marcus Kane, followed by Pike. Votes were divided between them until a third name appeared and it was her mother’s who began to amass some votes of her own. Clarke was so concentrated trying to follow the count that she almost didn’t notice when her own name was called out. She felt confused and it wasn’t until Raven gently pushed her towards the stage that she realized someone had casted a vote in her behalf. It was probably Raven, she thought, as she got up the stairs and was welcomed with a smile from Marcus. She probably thought it would be funny to throw her name into the mix. However, when her name appeared a second and a third time, Clarke was more than surprised. Pike however couldn’t look more triumphant and it took the girl a moment to realize what was happening. Now that her mother and her own name were thrown into the mix, it was Marcus votes the ones who were being split. If the votes rejecting Pike were divided between the three of them there was a higher chance none of them would get the majority of votes necessary to defeat him. No one seemed to notice that fact, though, as people would cheer every time her name or Marcus name was read. Even her mother had some loyal followers even though reelection was never discussed.

When the counting was finally done, her mother proceeded to read the results.

“Marcus Kane: 177 votes. Charles Pike: 177 votes. Clarke Griffin: 87 votes. Abigail Griffin: 63 votes.” Read Abigail. “It’s a tie.”

The crowd became very loud as Aby tried to regain control.

“Please, be quiet!” Her mom said on a loud speaker. “We will have to cast new votes…” The crowd was getting out of control as Pike followers demanded a new counting and things started to get physical between the groups. Clarke felt disoriented but suddenly a new realization came into her mind like a lightbulb.

“Wait…” She said but no one heard her.

“Since there’s a tie, the new vote would only consider…” Aby tried to explained.

“Wait!” Clarke yelled and everyone looked at her with surprise. “I…” Clarke stepped forward “I didn’t cast my vote.”

“What?” Marcus said approaching to her and there were murmurs in the crowd.

“I forgot to cast my vote. I didn’t vote” Clarke said with more confidence in her voice.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Pike exclaimed completely outraged. “This is just a strategy to ensure their win because they know they won’t win the recount!”

Pike followers responded rejecting Clarke’s claims.

“Wait, a second!” Marcus said “How many votes were counted?”

“504” said a young man who had helped with the counting.

“There’s 505 of us” Kane continued “There’s one vote missing which is Clarke’s”

“The voting process has already ended” Pike protested.

“Everyone should have the right to vote” Kane insisted and the crowd agreed.

“Clarke, it’s up to you” Abigail said and all the eyes were upon the girl. “Who will you choose?”

Clarke’s mouth was dry and her heartbeat was so high she feared her heart was going to explode. The crowd was expectant and she tried to speak but no sound came out of her throat. Then, she looked at Pike and when she saw the fire in his eyes she suddenly felt a confidence she hadn’t felt in the last 24 hours.

“I choose Marcus Kane” She said with a strong voice and the crowd erupted in loud cheers while Pike followers demanded a new voting process. Pike was furious, he got off the stage without saying a word and exited the room. His followers followed soon after and as they were about to exit the garage, Clarke locked eyes with Bellamy, who looked so resentful she hardly recognized him.

Later that evening, everybody got together for a huge celebration but neither Pike or any of his followers were in attendance. That didn’t seem to bother the others, though, as everyone seemed to be having a good time for the first time in months.

“I’m afraid I have started a new war” The girl confided in her mother who put an arm around her shoulders.

“That’s none sense” Aby said kissing her forehead.

“But Pike…” Clarke said but was interrupted.

“We can handle Pike” Marcus said walking towards her. “Your entourage is here. Indra is waiting outside of the camp.”

“Do you really need to go? Can’t you go back to Polis later? It’s almost dark outside” Her mother begged.

“I promised Lexa I would go back tonight and besides there’s a lot of work still to be done” Clarke replied and her mother looked disappointed. “But I’ll be back soon, I promise”. Her mother nodded and gave her a hug.

“Please, tell the Commander I’ll be meeting her soon to discuss the terms of the integration” Kane said.

“Are we sure that’s the best option?” Clarke said hesitant.

“Do we have another option?” Her mother asked but Clarke didn’t reply.

“I just… We should just think about it a bit longer. Some people here are not as excited about it” Clarke finally said.

“They’ll come around” Marcus replied and they exchanged a goodbye hug.

The sun was setting when she got onto the horse Indra had brought for her and she waved goodbye to her mother before starting her way back to Polis. It was very dark when they finally reached the city but Clarke felt a warm feeling going through her body the moment she saw the figure standing guard at the bottom of the big tower.

“Welcome home” Lexa said when she reached her and Clarke gave her a small smile in return. The commander smiled back and the ambassador realized how much she had missed her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So it took me forever to continue this but I hope this is a fun episode to read. Things are definitely getting interesting for Clarke and we will see how this voting results will impact in her quest for peace.
> 
> Be sure to leave your reviews and comments! I promise you'll get the next chapter very soon.


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